Welcome back to Himbo Cinema, one woman’s ode to the sweet and simple male characters from throughout history!
Although the title of this newsletter suggests I’ll only be talking about movies, I couldn’t let this week go by without discussing a certain himbo-centric TV triumph. Yes, I’m talking about what went down between Kelvin and Keefe on the Season 3 finale (“I Will Take You By the Hand and Keep You”) of The Righteous Gemstones.
With its crude jokes and over-the-top performances, this HBO comedy about the eccentric family behind a fictional megachurch certainly isn’t going to work for everyone. After all, it was created by and stars Danny McBride, who is a take-him-or-leave-him kind of screen presence (see also: his collaborations with David Gordon Green for the recent Halloween trilogy). But the real gems of the Gemstones are the other cast members, including Edi Patterson as bratty babe Judy, Walton Goggins as the bible bonkin’ Baby Billy, Tim Baltz as cuck cutie BJ, and Adam DeVine (Workaholics, Pitch Perfect) and Tony Cavalero (self-described as “da baby of [Chris] Farley and Stiffler”) as perfect angel babies Kelvin and Keefe.
Since Season 1, I have been enamoured with Kelvin and Keefe, two “best buds” united in their effort to educate the youth of America about the lord, first through the God Squad (a bunch of beefcakes demonstrating their beliefs through acts of physical fitness) and later Smut Busters (their motto: “no smut, no lust, no coconuts”). The first two seasons had DeVine and Cavalero play with this dynamic in a cheeky way, putting them in precarious situations that slyly suggested that this religious prodigy and former Satanist were more than just friends and coworkers. But in the Season 3 finale, things took a turn from conscious queerbaiting to confirmed canon.
After being kidnapped by a rival congregation (led by himbo god Steve Zahn!!), the kooky, but kind-hearted Kelvin had a come-to-God moment. He realized that removing Keefe from the Smut Busters (parents complained his dark past made him unfit to work with kids) was wrong on many levels. By cutting out his radically reformed and hilarious heartfelt partner, he betrayed his morals and broke his own heart. Because the fact is, Kelvin is, and always has been, in love with Keefe. He just wasn’t ready to accept it. Until now.
It all went down in the climax of “I Will Take You By the Hand and Keep You”, as Kelvin and the rest of the Gemstones prepared to return to the stage for the first time since their abduction. While all the hetero couples (Judy and BJ, Jesse and Amber) also engaged in some pre-show PDA, the most electric exchange came from my boys, who suddenly went from touching noses to clashing tongues. As the rest of the family looked on in approval (special shout-out to BJ’s “You go, girls” nod), our clueless cuties shared their first kiss, opening a gateway to a whole (or should I say, hole?) new era for them as a powerhouse duo.
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To say that I’ve rewatched this scene a few times since it aired would be an understatement. I truly cannot stop thinking about it. It was sweet, sexy and, above all, it felt right. Not just for the show, which is known for its satire of American religion, but also for the characters themselves.
As a queer woman with a penchant for dumb dude unions, I have been rooting for Kelvin and Keefe since they first met. But given the target audience for The Righteous Gemstones, I always worried that McBride and Jody Hill would never go there with them. I’m so glad they finally did, and hope to you-know-who they’ll go even further in Season 4.
Sure, I (and many fellow “pervs”) would have liked to have seen Kelvin and Keefe (and let’s face it: DeVine and Cavalero) get together sooner than they did. However, we have to remember that these two are heaven-sent himbos, wrestling not only with their faith, but also their general absent-mindedness. These are dudes who have fallen prey to cults of various kinds, even accidentally creating their own at one point. They are barely in touch with reality, let alone their own emotions and sexuality.
We should feel blessed Kelvin and Keefe finally came to their senses and realized that their relationship should be far more than professional. They really are a perfect match, destined to spend their days minding their business in their matching rocking chairs as they watch Jesse and co. get up to straight culture antics (driving monster trucks off into the sunset).